The “Wall Street Journal” recently wrote that despite the airline industry’s challenges—shifty weather, high equipment costs and heavy government regulations, to name a few—airline pricing makes other businesses envious.

The Journal conjured an alternate universe where everything from hotels to baseball teams were run like airlines. It’s a fun piece, and it got us thinking: what if a PR agency was run like an airline?

Introducing P-aiR.

  • At P-aiR, first-class clients receive agency priority before other clients each business day.
  • To fit more client information into press materials, P-aiR recently set up wider margins on its press releases for clients willing to pay higher prices. They call it “Economy Extra,” even though the margins are the same width the press release had when P-aiR first opened.
  • All press releases must fit into a P-aiR-issued template and must be less than one page in length. If a company announcement or press release goes longer than its allotted one page, an extra fee will be charged.
  • For its social media clients, P-aiR has also recently started using only 110 characters for branded tweets. However, for clients willing to pay higher prices, P-aiR will use up to 140 characters. This is known as the Top Tier Tweets program.
  • The P-aiR Continual Client loyalty program allows clients to earn points for doing business with the agency. Points can be redeemed for media pitching by the agency, but odds are better for redeeming at publications with smaller circulations. Getting top-tier daily coverage (The Wall Street Journal, USA Todayor The New York Times) with these points is unlikely. Note: blackout restrictions also apply.
  • With P-aiR, getting a retraction of a placed story will cost a flat $200 exchange fee.
  • Stories pitched and placed on Friday afternoon and Saturday are usually cheapest, while stories placed on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and during the week of Christmas are the most expensive.
  • In the event of an inclement crisis, P-aiR will aim to provide timely and consistent updates to the media on behalf of the client to keep the public informed. However, better and more up-to-date information will likely be available via a smartphone.
  • P-aiR recently stopped serving complementary light snacks on all domestic agency/client meetings, but still offers (non-alcoholic) beverages. For international meetings, however, a meal will still be served.
  • If P-aiR is late with delivery of expected client goals, the agency won’t be responsible for a dynamic and fast-changing media landscape.

Would P-aiR ever get off the ground? It’s not likely, since a PR agency must provide consistent and reliable services for its clients in spite of changes in the marketplace, and without nagging fees and overage charges that could disrupt the agency/client relationship.

*Momentum Communications Group is in no way affiliated with P-aiR…because it does not exist.

Follow Bill Miltenberg: @bmiltenberg; Follow Momentum Communications Group:@momentumcomgrp